blog of blurbs

exhausted-fat-woman-gym-23868914

 

how to not look like a dork at the gym:
make sure you keep your water bottle at the machine when you go to get the paper towels to sanitize after your workout. strutting back all sweaty and full of confidence because your workout kicked ass completely looses credibility when you return and start spraying down the wrong machine. (yeah, that’s right, I added 10 extra pounds. energy looks good on me, right? I know that’s why you are watching me wipe off this leg press, even though it looks as though it hasn’t even been used….wait, what?)

 

 

 

 

how NOT to get shit done

unexpected half day at work.

go home, change into gym clothes.

inform the children that you are going to the gym

settle onto the couch with a bag of pretzels and the calorie laden Frappachino you got on your way home.

log on to facebook.  post funny shit about procrastination.  admire your own wit.  wonder why no one is liking your comments.  un friend everyone that did not comment on how damn funny you are.  realize that you acted a bit hastily, refriend everyone.

stare at your enormous gut while stuffing pretzel rods in your mouth.  grab a handful of flab. drop flab immediately and chastise yourself for eating.  vow to sweat off all the calories you have eaten  when you go to the gym.

surf the net, remembering that you started a blog several years ago.  wonder if it is still there.  find it. read everything you wrote. admire your own wit.  be offended that strangers have not read your stuff.  wish you could unfriend people on a blogsite.

check clock.  notice that 3 hours have passed and you are STILL sitting with the computer.  feel fat and useless.  stare at your gut and wish you could unfriend your own fat ass.

 

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